In a press release issued early Tuesday morning, Academy Award winning actor Christopher Walken declared that he is "not amused." It was not immediately clear who or what had upset Walken to the degree that he felt the need to call a press conference, nor was his publicist forthcoming with clarification. "Chris felt this was the correct course of action at this time." Walken experts at New York University were baffled.

Scientists at NYU have been following the behavior patterns of the star since he came to prominence in 1978's The Deer Hunter. Their interpretation of the Walken Dispatch, as it has come to be known, is sketchy at best. Dr. Lawrence Smiegel, Program Director for Walken Studies at USF, believes he may be upset at the prospect of filming a "Prophecy 4". "Even if this is the source of his frustration, it is still unclear at whom he is focusing his irritation. [Co-star] Vincent Spano? [Writer] Gregory Widen? [Co-star] Eric Stoltz?"

Walken himself was not present at the press conference. When contacted at his home, for clarification by Dr. Smiegel, his staff indicated he was "indisposed". But after a few moments, Walken came to the phone to state "Stop calling here. Why can't you people leave me alone." before hanging up. Dr. Smiegel noted that he often receives these types of threats when he calls Walken's home or is found in his hydrangea bushes observing Walken "in his natural habitat".

The buzz around campus is allowing for a wider interpretation of the message, and rumors and theories are flying like bullets. One anonymous graduate student has claimed that his current ire may stem from the recent 25th anniversaries celebration surrounding the Star Wars franchise and his loss of the role of Han Solo to Harrison Ford. "I mean Harrison Ford can't even tap dance. It's possible that this is what has been eating at him for the past 25 years."

Another student, Paul Szeles, had a different theory. "'The Country Bears' was just released. Most of the American public doesn't even realize CW is in this movie. Maybe he is upset he wasn't featured prominently in the marketing campaign. Then again maybe he's just upset he's in the movie at all. All I know is, I bet it has something to do with The Country Bears."

Walken, a stage trained actor and self-declared song and dance man, is most well known for his menacing and creepy film persona from films such as True Romance and Wayne's World 2. His current missive of annoyance marks the first time this persona has seeped over into the real world.

The press release in its entirety is reprinted below:

"I have to tell you, I am not amused. Your shenanigans. Your little games. I no longer find pleasure in them. I did, once, I admit. But now it has simply become irritating. Grating. Tiresome. So, knock it off. Stop following me around. Perhaps, it is time for a change of scenery. Perhaps, you would be happier . . . somewhere else. Perhaps . . . you should go. I'm not telling you what to do. God forbid. I have not the audacity for such a bold act. Let us consider this a little friendly advice . . . between old friends. You wouldn't like to disappoint an old friend, would you? Of course, you wouldn't. Then we are in agreement. It is time to end this little experiment. Now each of us may go about our merry business unfettered. It is my most sincere concern that you comply with my wishes. It would be a shame if you chose . . . to do otherwise. Truly. A shame."